The Babbling City
A twist on the tower of Babel and the introduction of different languages based on the story from the Old Testament.
The BIG Lie
A story retold in the first person point of view about a lie a girl creates to explain the lost eggs her grandmother gives her.
Watch Over
This is a story about a bird attempting to save a man's life but failing to do so resulting in the man's death.
Snake Bite
The retelling of how the snake became mean and was given his fangs.
The Illusion
A modern version about how a man was tricked and gave away a large amount of money.
Hard Lessons
A man's hard learned lesson about life.
Hi Tylor,
ReplyDeleteI think choosing a story like “The Babbling City” to be the first one included in your portfolio was a good way to start off. The story of the tower of Babel is one that so many people know, so it was a good way to gain initial interest from your audience. I have always found the story interesting, so it is neat to hear how someone else thinks about it. It like that the motive behind the tower is knowledge. They are eager to know more about God and the world and that serves as a very good driving force in your story. I enjoyed the detail you put into the story, especially the bit about the materials used to build the tower, even if the whole slime-as-mortar thing is slightly gross to me. I’m not sure if the rocks were a part of the original story or not, but it definitely added an extra touch to the story. The idea of God throwing rocks at people struck me as comical.
I think you did a good job writing this story. Your author’s note was the perfect amount of informative, and why you wrote what you did. I like when I am able to read someone’s story and it keep me interested the whole time. That is what you were able to do with this story. Your details in the story were a nice touch, especially the slime to hold the bricks together. My favorite part of the story was they all started speaking different languages, and that’s how the languages got spread all over the world like they are today. Overall I think you did a great job the only thing you might need to look at was your link to the story. When I clicked on the link it said I was not going to be able to view it. Not sure what that was about so I just went through your blog and found it.
ReplyDeleteTylor,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story a lot! I think that the dimension that you added to the story really helped give life to the story. Your story was very entertaining and it definitely made me want to keep reading. I think that this story also shows the great imagination of children. I have a three year old and this sure does sound like something that she would end up telling me to try to get out of trouble. Your sentences were also great in the sense that they gave great imagery especially in being able to envision the big made up story that the little girl wanted to tell her aunt. This is such a great story. Good job!
On another note, I wanted to go ahead and read your “Babbling City” story but the link that you have on your portfolio is not working and letting me access the page. This may be something that you want to resolve. Other than that, I think that you have a good start!
So, this story is full of imagination! Here are a few suggestions. I would break paragraphs up some more. The thing is when I get to big paragraphs I think, "Oh man that's a lot of words." So, if you break up the paragraphs, it makes the story flow and move a little better. My professor would tell me all the time to break up my writing. Now, I finally have done it and it reads much easier. I only have suggestions for how to make this story even better since it is already good.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, how can you raise the stakes in this story? What do you think about a ticking clock added so that in order to get back to grandma there is intensity throughout for getting back on time.
How could you add complications? Does the hero take another unexpected journey somewhere tat causes more time to be taken away as the hero struggles to get back? Does some other character get introduced that makes life harder?
Hi Tylor!
ReplyDeleteWow! Your stories are so creative! I can really see your imagination at work on here!
One thing I really appreciate in your stories is how detailed your author’s notes are. I like to read those before and after I read the stories that way I can understand the story better. Your notes really helped me to understand.
I am working a little backwards here, but I really liked your layout and colors as well. Sometimes white is too bright and hard to read on a computer screen, but using the background you did makes the white less harsh and easier to read.
I did not see any major issues in your stories. The only suggestion I have is to break up large sections of words. Smaller chunks of words make the reader think there is less to read. It is especially helpful if the story is pretty long.