Hi. I hear you would like for me to tell you why rattlesnakes are so mean and have a tendency to bite people when provoked. It all started when I grew my beautiful rattler. Everyone came from miles around to see and hear the sound it made. At first I loved all the attention that my rattler brought to me. After a few months of everyone wanting to meet me, I began to become very annoyed by not being able to have any time alone. I started to lose sleep because people would want me to rattle for them during the night. I was just too nice to say no.
One day I had finally had enough and went to the Elder Brother for advice on what to do. He took a feather from his lip and cut it into short pieces and formed teeth with them. These teeth were so sharp they could easily pierce through skin and harm anyone that I bit. He also put some kind of poison in them so that when they pierced skin they would make the victim very sick. He told me "If anyone annoys you and will not leave you alone, just simply bite them and they will eventually learn when everyone sees how sick they get and slow the bit person dies."
Later that day Rabbit came to see my rattler and to hear its beautiful sound. I told him to leave me alone but he kept annoying me. He actually got mad at me and scratched me because I refused. I did as the Elder Brother told me to do and bit him. He scratched me again so I bit him again. This went on for multiple rounds until he finally gave up and went home. Later that night Rabbit became very sick. Instead of everyone seeing it my way everyone saw me as a bad person and exiled me from the land. I went into hiding so now when anyone comes around I simply bite them to remind them to leave me alone.
This is how the modern cousin of the snake in this story came to be so mean and obtain fangs. When you are around a snake always remember the reason why they are mean and do not taunt them. You may end up just like Rabbit and regret what you did.
Author's Note:
This story is based off the first half of "How the Rattlesnake Learned to Bite." I began the story with a little background to give a good beginning to the story. The story starts out by the rattlesnake having a rattler that everyone wants to see. When he gets annoyed by everyone wanting to hear his rattler, he goes to the Elder Brother to ask him what to do. The Elder Brother gives him fangs and tells him to bite anyone who bothers him. Rabbit was the first victim and would scratch rattlesnake because he wouldn't shake his rattler. Rattlesnake bit Rabbit, which eventually killed him. The rest of the story is just written in first person instead of third person. I chose to write in this style to be able to give a better idea about how the rattlesnake thought about the situation and why he bit rabbit. I feel like it helps to give a more personal sense to the rattlesnake's character. The picture I chose is of a rattlesnake because that is what the story is about and how they became to be like the modern rattlesnake.
Bibliography:
"How the Rattlesnake Learned to Bite" by Katherine Berry Judson, from Southwestern and California Legends (1912). Web Source: UNtextbook
Nice retelling! I haven’t read the original but it seems you kept the original message pretty well. I love listening to stories like this one that attempt to explain why things in the environment occur the way they do. My only suggestion is reading your work after you finish it. There were a lot of typos throughout the piece. Some here and there aren’t terrible but it can become a distraction if there are too many. Overall, good work!
ReplyDeleteVery nice job! The only suggestion I have is to re-read this and fix the few typos that are in it. There are also some run-on sentences in here that make the flow of the story thrown off. I really like the way you retold this though! I love first person because it makes everything more personal. It really gives you insight to what the snake was feeling and how he just wanted people to respect him. Very good job there! And I also love how you gave us the background into the story before telling it so we understood what we were about to read! Your author's note was also very insightful! I liked how you explained why you changed what you did in the story! It helped me as a reader understand where you were coming from while doing that! Great job! Can't wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Tylor! Very nice retelling of the story! I like how you made in first person to really get the feel of what the snake thought. It allows us to see that the snake is really not that bad. It was just doing as he was told because no one would leave it alone. You did a very good job! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Tylor! The beginning was quite good since it set the story and let the reader know what to expect for the rest of the story. I think what you can do for this story to differentiate the introduction and the part where the snake starts talking is to kind of have a change of font or maybe a -- or ~~ to make the transition more obvious. Also, what you can do to catch run-ons is to read your story out loud and notice where there should be some sort of cadence. I like that you wrote this story as a lesson, like "this is why you shouldn't mess with rattlesnakes, boys and girls!" At least that was how I felt while reading it. I also read this story in one of the earlier weeks and I like that you wrote it from the snake's perspective; however, may be you can develop its personality a little more, maybe through some dialogue if you choose to do so.
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